Once again, the alleged suicide of Sushant Singh Rajput – a renowned actor has brought up the topic of Mental Health…!
Without going into the details of what actually happened to him because his case is being investigated and can’t say anything for sure, I would like to draw your attention to the fact that at some point in life we all go through this phase- sooner or later…!
Each one of us has lost something- It might be loss of loved one, divorce, break up, rejection, or loss of career , job, no progress as expected and or loss of any other kind pushes us up to this situation. And many psychologists have correctly described the 5 phases of such situation as 1. Denial, 2. Anger, 3. Bargain, 4. Depression and 5. Acceptance…!
To begin with everyone is in a state of denial. This can’t possibly be true, how can something this gruesome happen to me, I have never hurt anyone then how can it happen to me n so on n so forth… Then you are mad at everybody for your state, for your plight, you are searching someone to blame and mind you these 5 phases can occur simultaneously or in any random order but all will be present…you might try to bargain with yourself or others as why me…? if only I get out of this phase I would do this, we even try to bribe God by asking Him to remove us from the situation and in return you would offer prayers, feed poor people, make a religious pilgrimage and many other form of bribes…This goes on in your brain for so long that now your brain only focuses on that one thing which is bothering you – this is the stage of depression.. it is in this stage that your brain stops producing the happy hormones like serotonin, oxytocin, dopamine, endorphin etc. Mind you I am no psychologist nor am I from the medical field, as a matter of fact I’m a patient who is going through all these stages after my beloved husbands sudden demise.! and therefore I so confidently pen it here having gone through all this…!
Finally comes the stage of acceptance- this is the final stage and may take in some cases few days and some other (like mine) few years…! But this is not where it all ends it is, in fact the starting point. This is where you have accepted your situation and now are ready to deal with it… This is the point where you finally have decided to face the situation however if not handled with care its very likely that you might fall back into the vortex of the earlier 4 stages. The person is like a pendulum here, a small imbalance can begin to swing him/her in motion – in and out of these phases.
To deal with depression you need a very good support system, a solid grounding analogous to solid earthing in electrical system. More often it is your parents who provide this – simply because theirs’ is unconditional love. Then comes your siblings’ who also stand up for you like your parents, in some cases it could be your spouse and children and finally comes your very good, old true friends who have survived the time test.
Very often, these situations expose the true nature of your so called near and dear ones and makes you realize good from bad. This adds to the trauma and you start hating the world even more… you do not want to have any relationship with this fake, hypocritic world and want to give up everything and quit…!
But it is here that you mustn’t quit…I love these following lines from the famous poem by John Greenleaf Whittier, – “Don’t Quit”
“Life is queer with its twist and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When they might have won, had they stuck it out,
Don’t give up when the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow”.
So, some of my techniques to come out of depression are first and foremost Gratitude. Be thankful for everything you have right now. See what you have now, millions have been deprived of. Everyday thank the Almighty for at least 3 things before bed. Trust me when you start doing this, within a month you will realise how fortunate you are!
Secondly, Live in the moment. We all have this bad habit of over thinking and over analysing any given situation. We try to have many plans ready for eventuality. But we often forget that The Supreme Planner is there for us and when he plans- every full proof plan of us fails. So, when in tough situation seek His guidance and just leave it for him to take you through it. Just go with the flow, be in the moment and trust your intuition. I bet you won’t regret any decision taken.
Next, Meditate. It does not mean that sit for long hours in padmasana. That is a myth my dear. You can meditate for just 5 minutes to begin with and then increase the time as you like. All you must do is sit in solace and let the thoughts flow. Do not counter the thoughts just let them flow. There will be a time that there are absolutely no thoughts. It’s true, people like us can achieve this state and you don’t need to be a sage to do it…!
Practise these three things on a regular basis and I’m sure you would heal much faster.
Of course, you would need your solid grounding to be around you all the time…!
I had somewhere read about a very interesting experiment done by a Professor. He took a blank white sheet of paper, held it in his hand and in front of the class put a small black dot on the paper and then asked his students to describe what they saw. More than 90% of the students described the paper focussing on the black dot. Likewise my dear friends most of the times in depression we just see the black dot – the one thing that we have lost or that we did not get and forget to see the blank white sheet of paper which is still available for us.
So, go out, make most of the white sheet available and paint a beautiful and colourful picture such that the black dot also adds to its beauty…!
And if, there are many such black dots make a Dot Mandala out of it…!!
Saba Mubeen Shaikh
